You need help and your friends need help.

Your friends love toxic relationships too. They need to fix people like some of us do.

What happens when the person you help fix is “fixed”? What happens to that relationship then?

Working through your own mental illness is not just finding tactics to manage yourself, but also your surroundings and your relationships that take up part of that space.

If I had to define my purpose in the world, I would probably say that it’s to be there for other people. To help lift them up to their goals, to give them unwavering support. I felt that my sole purpose was to exist to serve other people around me. Notice the toxicity in that? Notice what’s missing in that equation?

What kind of people get drawn to someone with that type of thinking? Probably people who need a home base. People with high insecurities that need a steady stream of attention and devotion. Is there anything wrong with people complimenting each other’s emotional needs? Yes and no. It’s all about INTENTION.

If my getting better includes boundaries and less unwavering devotion, those relationships that require that fall apart slowly. If we take a page from our old biology classes, we can read about Symbiotic Relationships, in which two “species” benefit from the each other’s interaction together.

The real trick is knowing if your relationships are mutual or not. Mutualism benefits both species for long periods of time. Think a sea anemone and Nemo.

I would think Commensalism is the next level down from this. Where one species is benefited, but maybe the other is kinda neutral. They aren’t affected either way. Think “meh” relationship. “I could take it or leave it.”

The worst is Parasitism and that’s pretty self explanatory. If you aren’t sure, ask your ex (oo burn)!

I’m currently working through a reclassification of my friendships while redefining myself within my mental healing. Which people do I benefit from in this short life? Who do I benefit as well? Are there any species I should avoid as being possibly harmful?

I would also argue that Commensalistic relationships can be just as harmful, considering it’s space getting taken up by people that may not uplift yourself or the other (isn’t that the point?)

I dunno, ya’ll are reading a very abstract, thinking-out-loud blog post from a single, late-20’s woman. I’m not an expert on all different relationships. But I do know that while you tend to yourself, it can shift your relationships with others. Sometimes for the best, other times for the worst and no one really likes to mention the latter. Try to better yourself always, but don’t get obsessed with perfection of self. Just exist, don’t worry about “work”. Others will find your existence blissful.