I LOVE being around others. I love other people. I genuinely believe that if we gave more shits about each other, the world would be so much easier to navigate.

It’s hard to explain that I give lots of shits about other people but forget to save some of those for myself.

It’s confusing to know my cups overflows outwardly but not inward.

Taking on the role of the calm ocean for other people makes me feel like I am using my empath qualities properly. This is one of the hardest parts about the type of major depressive disorder I’m diagnosed with. It’s hard to explain to people that it’s second nature for me to think about other peoples’ emotions and well being but not really my own.

It’s not that I actively ignore my own desires, but the voice is muted, or at the very simplest on a very low volume.

It’s hard to explain to the people around me that no, you guys don’t ever exhaust me. I don’t go out of my way for other people to prove something to myself or to be the “nicest person.” It’s what I think I’m supposed to do.

It is each of our own jobs to monitor ourselves and take care of ourselves, and that’s the part I work through on my own with therapy and reflection.

It’s not my purpose to judge or fix people, but it is (or I believe it should be everyone’s job) to approach others without judgment or hesitation.

There is always a risk to be taken advantage of, regardless of whether you are emotionally open or if you are guarded. This is not a reflection on you, but a reflection on those people. “You were too nice” is a slippery, victim-blaming tactic.

My erasure of self happens because I think acting out decency is bigger than my individual wants and needs.

I am present and here, but my needs and desires come later on the list of causes, people, ideas, and hobbies I give a lot of shits about.

I love you all, and I am thankful for all of you. I guess that’s the purpose of this post.