“Someone should look at you the way they look at the food coming to the table.”

So we’re all warped from love in general due to ancient gender roles and expectations from the silver screen, right? We’re getting better at spotting toxicity and we’re all so much more open and forward about love in general. We have created this environment of awareness about emotions and expectation.

But how do you love…yourself?

For a long time I thought I had to walk in front of mirror and feel Good As Hell like Lizzo encourages me. I have to LOVE MYSELF VERY LOUDLY EVERY DAY. But no, I think I’ve found that my love is more of a slow burn. I don’t flip my hair and encourage the clouds with a “yasss,” every day (maybe after a glass of rose or after working out), but rather I am…comfortable.

If you sat on your bed and told yourself, “hey, you’re going to be alone the rest of your life,” would you be okay with it?

I don’t mean that in a blue or dramatic, I’m-going-to-be-alone-forever-with-no-cats-or-pet-rocks kind of way. If you could only rely on yourself for entertainment and happiness, would that be okay?

There’s something healthy about that perspective, but I get that it could come off disappointing to some. But honestly….we’re all…”alone” right? We can’t rely on others to give us happiness. Fulfillment only comes from within. We can only love others best when we love ourselves.

So obviously I love myself every day if I’m spending a Friday night writing a blog post about it! NOT (remember “not” jokes?!). There are definitely days that I look at myself and I’m like, “DUDE. JUST…NO.” Or I have insecurities about my body (women, amiright), or I worry about my personality (am I boring?). I have all the same insecurities as everyone else, I guess I just roll with them a lot better than I ever have.

During college I used to workout in the mornings and then work out again later in the evening. A lot of that was a difference in free time, but mostly I just spent downtime subconsciously punishing myself for the parts I didn’t like.

Maybe it’s getting older, but I just don’t have any interest in punishing myself physically and keeping an “ideal” image of myself in the back of my mind. Loving myself is me feeling authentic and inhabiting an attitude of what-you-see-is-what-you-get.

Loving myself now looks like eating well (while also grabbing a candy from my coworker’s drawer if I want it), working out at least 3 mornings per week, caring about the work I create as a paralegal, and giving myself alone time if I want.

During one of Virginia’s unseasonably and infuriatingly warm evenings, I drove home with my windows down and mentally asked myself: “If you only had you the rest of your life, could you be okay with that?”

And I shrugged and thought, “yeah, I mean that would be cool”

GUYS. THAT IS SELF LOVE.

I think we all find pockets of self love. But there should be an overarching idea of loving yourself, forever. I KNOW. The commitment is OVERWHELMING. But you’re going to be around yourself a lot, so you might as well shake your alter ego’s hand and take the time to get to know him/her/them.

If you freak out when you ask yourself if you’re okay being alone forever, listen to some more Lizzo. Or any other artist you love, as many times as you want, until 3AM if you need to. Share your insecurities with friends who have proven to be your biggest cheerleaders and supporters. Take your insecurities less seriously and let them shrink from the missing power from your attention. Scare yourself shitless and tell that person you’ve been thinking about that you like them or love them.

People will come and go. They will move away, or lose touch. It makes those relationships important, but it should also teach you to love your friends harder, and love yourself the hardest. The ones you love hurt you the most, and you are at the top of that list. Forgive yourself. Someone in your life needs your unique quirks. A friend of yours admires something that you think is a fault of yours. You need you. I promise.